2019 was an interesting year for me. I made decisions that would alter my lifestyle, my work mantras, my family activities my tolerances and more. I learned so much about myself and the people around me. I discovered that I both know what I want AND have no idea all simultaneously.
I know now that 2020 will be directed by multiple passions and I am ok with that. Sometimes we just need to give into what we know feels right for ourselves. What are you OK with for 2020? Tell me in the comments section.
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Hey everybody, , It’s December 30th and we’ve only got a day and a half before the new year / new decade begins. I just wanted to check in with you and kind of talk to you about my 2019 and my 2020.
If you heard my first vlog, It was all about goal setting and doing a year end review so that you could figure out where you’ve been so that you can figure out where you’re going.
I wanted to have a little chat before the end of the year and let you know a little about what I learned.
So it’s been an interesting year. If you haven’t been following or you’re new, I have become an empty nester in the last year and a half. Just over a year ago, my husband and I decided we would uproot ourselves from our community in San Diego and moved to Northern Baja, just across the border.
I mean, I get back and forth quite often but I did find that because I am across the border, I’m quite removed myself from my community.
I’ve continued to have great community conversations because of social media, clearly. I can still keep in touch with friends, know what’s going on in their lives, and they know somewhat what’s going on in my life. I still have clients and I still am taking on work, but I did scale back significantly.
I had some conversations in my own head about my purpose. When your kids leave and you’ve spent so many years of your life really identifying as a mom and that being your main focus, you’re not always sure what that’s going to lead to when you come across that period of time… where you go, okay, I don’t have to do anything for the kids.
I’m not chauffeuring them back and forth between place to place or I’m not having to check up on them. I’m not worried about where they are – well I’m still worried all the time – but you know, I’m not necessarily trying to not get any sleep because I’m constantly thinking, “Oh my gosh, where is my kid and did they make it home in time for curfew,” or cooking meals or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, it’s been an interesting year with that. My eldest daughter, just a few weeks ago, graduated from Cal Poly and is now on her trajectory for her brand new adventure in life and career.
My other daughter spent a semester in Barcelona, came home and decided Los Angeles was the place for her. So she’s there and I’m here and I see the kids, but that’s not my main focus anymore.
So I kind of pivoted a little bit and so far, so good. I think I managed it pretty well. I still miss them and I maybe guilt trip them a little bit every once in a while, just tell him, “I miss you so much. You’ve got to come home and see your mama,” but for the most part, I don’t think I fell into the trap where I only believed my entire identity was my children, and that was really healthy for me. It was really healthy for my husband. It was really healthy for my kids and I’m really happy that that’s what I discovered during this last year.
Now, being away from your community and uprooting yourselves and completely isolating yourself in a new one, to where you have to rebuild new relationships or try really hard to hold on to others, is difficult. It was not easy but I adjusted and I think that that’s the important part here. We all learn to adjust. We’re really adaptable animals, human beings.
I wasn’t positive. I wasn’t sure. I took a risk. I really learned a lot about myself while I’ve been here. And I think that that was the most valuable thing. I had that time to reflect.
I still don’t entirely know exactly what I want out of my life. When do we ever? I’m still hesitant on some things. Even though we can do all the exercises in the world, like year end reviews and planning for 2020… those are living documents for us that we can change and master. But who knows? Things change. And that’s what I’ve learned to accept over this last year.
Life is fluid. And for me, some of my biggest lessons of the year was one saying no, and finding value in my expertise and in myself. For many, many years, if someone needed help with any kind of project, whether it was, in life or business, I hated saying no.
This took up a lot of time for me in my business where I was being underpaid for what I know my expertise is worth and being undervalued because I was not charging enough to clients.
I was trying to make up for some “not so good fits” of a client. I was spreading myself too thin with things that weren’t necessarily my expertise, or weren’t things that I loved to do anymore.
I decided I needed to take a hiatus from that type of saying yes all the time and I think I did a pretty good job. I definitely focus on things that are worth my time and someone else’s so that everyone gets what they need out of a decision for me to either take a client on or not take a client.
Clients don’t always know what they want, so you have to be really careful with that. Sometimes they don’t even want to take your advice, even though they’re paying you for it! Have you ever had one of those clients that just fight you on everything or want you to accomplish something that requires communication from them but they simply refuse to communicate? Well, let me tell you. I’ve had several clients like that and this year I said, that’s enough. I won’t do that anymore. It was just a waste of time for everyone.
The other thing I discovered was, that there are things I need to focus on, but I also need to forgive myself when I can’t give 100% – when life comes into play and I can’t fulfill my perfection list, as I call it. So forgiving myself and not beating myself up over small imperfections, has really been another big one. The lessons I’ve learned from the fails, I pack them up, I take them with me and I keep moving forward.
So in 2020, I’m going to try and remember these things. I’m sure that it won’t be perfect. I’m okay with that.
I know that I love what I do with helping hesitant entrepreneurs level up and build their personal brands because I know it can be difficult.I have also been exploring what I want to do next and I may be taking on some different paths this year. That’s been a true revelation for me.
So often, we’re told to niche niche, niche. You’ve got to got a niche.
Well, I understand the reasoning behind that, but you know what… We as humans are dynamic beings and we love to explore. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can be the person who is an expert in more than one thing.
It IS possible. I don’t feel like you should be demonized for it.
If you’re one of those people that has a great talent in many different things and you love it. You love to learn and you love to explore, don’t let anybody take away your thunder.
When you decide you want to go a different direction because it interests you, remember, you’ve got one life to live. You might as well live it to the absolute best. We’re all here to work on our very best legacy. And I hope you’re doing exactly just that.
So there’s my 10 minutes before the end of the year. I hope you’re able to find some clarity, take a look at what you want to be doing in 2020 and not let anything get in your way.
We’ll chat again soon. I promise it will be a nice, smooth transition into the new year as long as you put some thought and effort into it, but don’t beat yourself up over it when it can’t be perfect.
Happy New Year. I’ll see you in 2020.